Fun with Photoshop: My Favorite Bridges

Seattle Mariners Front Office Shows Keen Understanding of What Fans Want; Sign Free-Agent Kevin Millwood to Minor League Contract.

Kevin Millwood, seen here racked with self-doubt, is slated to be the Mariners ace in the hole. (Louis DeLuca/DMN)

In the critically acclaimed* movie “What Women Want“, Mel Gibson stars as a man gifted with the ability to read women’s thoughts. Hilarity ensues as Gibson shaves his legs, learns how difficult life is for his teenage daughter, and woos the effervescent Helen Hunt (Paul Reiser you lucky dog). The Mariners front office saw the movie at a recent retreat, loved it, and a decided they would try to figure out what their fans wanted. Their answer: Kevin Millwood. (*not)

It’s not that there’s anything particularly wrong with Kevin Millwood, it’s just not quite what Mariners fans were looking for in an offseason where the Rangers landed Yu Darvish and the Angels signed Albert Pujols. Millwood is a lot like N.A.S.A. At one point he served a useful purpose (league leader in ERA during 2005) but it was so long ago that no one remembers what it was now. In fact, scientists recently discovered that the human brain cannot independently generate the concept of “Kevin Millwood”. The right-handed Millwood wasn’t terrible with Colorado last year (3.98 ERA in nine starts) but he is really that much of an upgrade over younger pitchers like Blake Beavan or Charlie Furbush?

Welcome to Seattle Mr. Millwood. I’ve already forgotten about you again…

Song of the Week: “In a Big Country” by Big Country

Title: “In a Big Country”

Artist: Big Country

Release: May 1983

Peak Chart Position: #3

Did You Know: Despite being considered a one-hit wonder in the states, Big Country enjoyed extended success in Europe as a result of their energetic live shows. Also, according to an unnamed source, former NBA player Bryant Reeves received his nickname “Big Country” not because of his size, but because of his fondness for another Big Country song, “13 Valleys“. The band continues to tour in the U.K.

Fun with Photoshop: We’ve Got Your (Zach) Cone!

Maligned Mariners Management Makes Move for Montero: Can Jesus Save Seattle’s Season?

Hopefully this card wasn't part of your retirement plan, because you know, he's a Mariner now.

Seattle Mariners fan(s) complained all winter long (with good reason–did you see the summer blockbuster, ”2011: A Baseball Tragedy“?) about the lack of activity from the team’s front office, and now that a substantial and largely unexpected move (though Rob Lowe did tweet about it a few weeks ago) has been made, well, nobody knows quite how to feel.

On one hand, Seattle acquired a power-hitting catcher/DH in Jesus Montero who has long been considered one of the best power prospects in the minor leagues. On the flip side, the Mariners had to give up Michael Pineda, a towering right-hander who made the All-Star game in his first season and become a fan favorite for his sizzling fastball and gregarious personality.

So how does the trade rate on paper, and where does the move leave Seattle heading into the 2012 season?

If the Mariners organization has any strength (try to stifle your laughter), it’s their depth of pitching talent at both the major and minor league levels. Even with Pineda (and the second piece of the trade–Jose Campos) off to the Bronx, Seattle still boasts a farm system loaded with talented arms like Danny Hultzen, James Paxton, Erasmo Ramirez and Taijuan Walker who aren’t that far away from contributing for the Mariners. So while it was difficult to give up Pineda and his 1.099 WHIP and 9.1 K/9, Seattle has a much better chance of replacing him from within than it did of acquiring a free-agent hitter at a palatable rate.

What the Mariners boast in pitching however, is negated by a lineup (Seattle scored 299 fewer runs than Texas in 2011) often described as “more unwatchable than Norbit“. Enter Jesus Montero, a burly slugger who has elicited comparisons to Miguel Cabrera and Paul Konerko while posting a career .308/.366/.501 slash line in the minor leagues, and hitting .328 with four HR’s in 61 AB’s for the Yankees in September. There are legitimate concerns that Montero won’t be able to stay at catcher, but even so, it’s hard to imagine him hitting worse than the combination of Jack Cust/Adam Kennedy at DH.

Though Safeco is a tough environment for right-handed hitters (somewhere, in a dark room, Richie Sexson quietly weeps), scouts have raved about Montero’s ability to drive the ball to the opposite field, something that allowed Brett Boone to set a major-league record for HR’s by a second baseman in 2001. If Montero lives up to his sizable potential, it’s easy to get excited about a heart of the lineup that also features Dustin Ackley, Justin Smoak and Mike Carp. It’s not exactly the 1927 Yankees, but it sure is better than anything Mariners fans have seen lately.

The other pieces of the trade, Hector Noesi to Seattle and Jose Campos to New York, benefit the M’s in the short term as Noesi can slide in as a fourth or fifth starter in 2012. Noesi has proven he can handle major league hitters in the treacherous AL East, but he doesn’t have the upside of Campos, who dominated the Northwest League in 2011 to the tune of a 2.32 ERA, 0.971 WHIP, and a ridiculous 6.54 K/BB ratio. Campos looks like another Pineda in the making, but is years away from contributing at the major league level, and when it comes to pitching prospects, there’s no such thing as a guarantee (remember Ryan Anderson).

The Mariners aren’t going to compete for the AL West crown in 2012, but if nothing else, this move makes them infinitely more watchable. A full season of Montero, Ackley, Carp, and the possible return to form of Justin Smoak gives M’s fans reasons to believe that the worst of times are behind. Heck, Seattle might even flirt with .500 in 2012 (although they’re far too shy to ask it on a date). It’s not the end of the long climb back to respectability, but it’s a start.

Go Mariners.

Pujols Leaves Missouri for L.A; Brings Misery to Seattle & The Bay.

I'm too sad to even photo shop a Mariners jersey on this poor sap.

I feel a lot like Adam Levine in the music video for “Misery“, except instead of getting beat up by a supermodel, I’m taking a kick to the crotch by a guy who looks like this (no offense to you personally Mr. Dipoto).

It was awfully hard being a Mariners fan before Albert Pujols (and C.J. Wilson) joined the Angels. But now? Unbearable…

Seattle wasn’t going to contend for the A.L. West in 2012. They probably weren’t going to be contending for the division in 2013. Now they won’t likely be sniffing the playoffs (I hear they smell like cinnamon rolls) this decade.

Is Phat Albert’s 10 year/$254 million dollar contract a terrible deal? Only for every team in the A.L. West that has to face Pujols on a daily basis. Will he be any good in six or seven years? Who cares! The Angels will win now (plus the Rangers aren’t going anywhere) and they will win after Pujols turns 40 because they are willing to spend money to get better, not hope that Brad Wilkerson finally puts it all together in a new environment.

I’m tired of hearing “next year”. I’m tired of hearing “Jack Z has a plan”.  Any plan that involves Chone Figgins, Milton Bradley, Jack Cust, and other various piles of excrement is not a plan I want to be a part of. Two wild card spots are not enough to get the Mariners back to the playoffs. Ten wild card spots might not be enough with Miguel Olivo hitting clean up.

I don’t want to hear about regression to the mean (sometimes players that are bad, just stay bad) or BABIP (Michael Saunders didn’t hit .150 because he was unlucky; he hit .150 because he’s not a major league player). I don’t want to hear how Nick Franklin will have a higher WAR than Pujols in five years. I just want to watch a team that can hit a ball out of the infield, and on occasion, win a game.

Is that asking too much?

Viva La Vidro Presents: Baseball’s Breakout Stars of 2011.

Jhoulys Chacin (SP-Colorado Rockies): Although many observers consider Ubaldo Jimenez the “crown jewel” of the Colorado Rockies pitching staff another gem is emerging in the Mile High City who may shine even brighter than his All-Star teammate…that man is Jhouyls “of the Nile“ Chacin. Lost in the midst of Jimenez’s stellar season and Charlie Sheen’s 47 84 109th trip to rehab, Chacin put together a solid 2010 campaign, posting a 9-11 record with a 3.28 ERA and 138 K’s in 137 innings (a strikeout rate higher than that of Jimenez). Still just 23, the native of Venezuela has plenty of room for growth and could see his ERA dip below three with improved control and some help from his defense. If Chacin gets better run support in 2011, he’s got a legitimate shot at a top five Cy Young finish…and that’s not just whistling Dixie.

Reid Brignac (SS-Tampa Bay Rays): Buried beneath a glut of middle infield talent in Tampa (Ben Zobrist, Jason Bartlett, Sean Rodriguez) former second round pick Reid Brignac hasn’t had the chance to flash his all-star level talent yet, but with Bartlett now in San Diego and Zobrist shifted to the outfield, 2011 will be the year that the Bayou Bomber finally takes center stage. Brignac managed to get 300+ plate appearances in a utility role last season, and while his plate discipline leaves something to be desired (77 K’s/20 BB’s), he showcased the power (8 HR’s, 13 2B’s, 45 RBI’s) that had the Rays thinking future star when they drafted him out of high school. With a retooled lineup (so long Carl Crawford, Carlos Pena, Matt Garza; hello Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon) hoping to stay afloat in the always competitive AL East, Tampa Bay will be counting on Brignac to produce big in 2011; the Cajun Crusher will prove that he is more than up to the challenge.

Jordan Zimmerman (SP-Washington Nationals): With Stephen Strasburg on the mend (which we all hope goes better than Barbaro’s “recovery”) the coveted title of Washington Nationals’ staff ace will be passed to Jordan Zimmerman for 2011 (unless John Lannan’s horse tranquilizers finally kick in). Zimmerman returned from Tommy John surgery in 2010 and while the results weren’t great (1-2, 4.94 ERA, 27 K’s in 31 innings) the fact that he showed no ill effects from the operation bodes well for his prospects in the coming year. The hard throwing right-hander breezed through the minor leagues (16-7, 2.60 ERA, 1.08 WHIP) and has the raw stuff (that phrase out of context would sound awful) to contend for a Cy Young award one day. Throw in the fact that a comparable pitcher returned from T.J. surgery and dominated the NL in his second year back (Josh Johnson) and the stars are aligned for Jordan Zimmerman to have a breakout year in 2011. You heard it here second.

Jay Bruce (OF-Cincinnati Reds): Joltin’ Jay Bruce ended 2010 with a bang, sending Cincinnati to the playoffs with a walk-off home run in the season’s waning weeks. The home run was a fitting finish to a superb second half for Bruce (.306-15 HR-34 RBI’s-.951 OPS) who appears ready to team up with Joey Votto to form a dynamic 1-2 punch in the middle of the Reds’ order. Bruce has some troubling home/road splits (19 HR’s at home vs. 6 on the road) but as long as he continues to play half his games at the Great American Ballpark (which is just a little hitter friendly) that should prove to be a moot point. The powerful left-hander is also a stellar fielder (he ranked fifth in the NL with a 1.6 defensive WAR) and if he plays as well in all of 2011 as he did in the second half of 2010, the Cincinnati Reds might just have back-to-back MVPs.

Michael Saunders (OF-Seattle Mariners): I can’t get away without plugging a hometown kid can I? Well, even if I could, I wouldn’t (the fact that I have a giant stash of his cards does not influence my decision whatsoever) because Michael “The Condor” Saunders is finally going to live up to his enormous potential in 2011. The young lefty got a chance to play everyday in 2010 and made dramatic improvements at the plate (most notably drawing more walks and hitting for more power) after struggling mightily in his brief call-up to Seattle in 2009. Saunders possesses all the physical tools to be an above-average fielder and hitter, and with the Mariners expecting him to produce this year, the Condor will deliver like Newman…large and in charge.

Stay tuned for a Seattle Mariners season preview coming soon!

The Future’s So Bright I’ve Got to Wear SPF 15: A Largely Uneducated Look at the Seattle Mariners’ Top Ten Prospects (Part II).

The cupboards aren’t bare but there isn’t much to look at. Here are the Mariners’ top five prospects according to Baseball America:

5. Guillermo Pimentel–OF–(.250-6 HR’s-31 RBI’s-5 SB’s-.276 OBP-.727 OPS): Guillermo Pimentel was signed out of the Dominican Republic in 2009 at the tender age of 16 for $2 million dollars (I made $7.56/hour at age 16 so I can certainly relate) and was considered by many scouts to be one of the best international bats available at the time. Pimentel has an advanced approach at the plate for a teenager and his compact swing and power potential gives him one of the highest ceilings of any Mariners’ prospect. Though he struggled in his first season of pro ball (58 K’s/5 walks) Pimentel just turned 18 and has plenty of time to develop into a top-tier hitter for the Mariners. He doesn’t project to be any better than average defensively, but if his bat is as good as advertised, Pimentel could become the middle of the order threat that has long been absent from Seattle.  

4. Taijuan Walker–SP–(1 win-1.29 ERA-9 K’s/3 BB’s-0.74 WHIP): The Mariners’ lone first round pick in 2010 (43rd overall), Taijuan Walker is a live-armed 6’5″ pitcher out of Yucaipa High School in California. Walker pitched sparingly until his senior year of high school (where he was also a star in basketball, averaging 21 points and 15 rebounds per game) but his plus fastball and developing curveball could one day vault him to the front of Seattle’s rotation. The tall right-hander has a smooth delivery and the potential to add more velocity as he fills out his frame. Walker is still quite a few years away from the majors, but in the mean time, he gives the Mariners a sizable advantage in pickup basketball games. Finally, something they can win…

3. Nick Franklin–SS–(.283-23 HR’s-65 RBI’s-25 SB’s-.354 OBP-.841 OPS): A first round pick out of high school in 2009, Nick Franklin burst onto the scene last year with a 20 HR/20 SB season in the pitcher friendly Midwest League (it was the third most HR’s ever by a teenager in the MWL). Franklin is a well-balanced player with above-average skills across the board who could continue to develop more power at the plate as he fills out his lean 6’1″ frame. The confident almost cocky Franklin is a natural leader with a high baseball I.Q. and intangibles reminiscent of Derek Jeter. If Franklin can stick at shortstop he could be in Seattle as soon as 2012,= with an outside shot at a September call-up this season. The Mariners left many baseball experts scratching their heads when they selected Franklin in the first round back in 2009; now the same experts are wondering how so many other teams missed the boat on a future all-star.

2. Michael Pineda–SP–(11 wins-3.36 ERA-154 K’s/34 BB’s-1.11 WHIP): Largely unheralded coming into the 2010 season Michael Pineda ended the year as one of the top pitching prospects in all of baseball. Signed out of the Dominican Republic at age 17, Pineda has progressed steadily through the Mariners’ system, posting high strikeout totals while maintaining a low walk rate. The tall, slender righty has an advanced repertoire consisting of a mid-to-high 90′s fastball, slider, cutter and changeup. There are some concerns about the health of Pineda’s elbow (he was limited to just 47 innings in 2009) which leads some scouts to believe that his future may be as a closer, although the Mariners intend to keep him as a starter for as long as possible. Pineda could likely do with some more seasoning in Triple-A, but unless you know something I don’t about Jamey Wright, he’ll likely start the year as Seattle’s fifth starter. There will be some ups and downs for Pineda in 2011, but the kid has got some serious talent, and will be a star by the time I learn how to properly use commas.

1. Dustin Ackley–2B–(.267-7 HR’s-51 RBI’s-10 SB’s-.368 OBP-.775 OPS): Owner of the sweetest swing in minor league baseball Dustin Ackley looks poised to step out of Stephen Strasburg’s shadow (though not a night goes by where I don’t dream of a King Felix/Strasburg starting rotation) and into MLB’s spotlight in 2011. Though his first year in the minors proved to be a bit rocky, Ackley showed marked improvement throughout the season, capped off by an amazing performance in the Arizona Fall League (.424-4 HR’s-19 RBI’s-5 SB’s-1.338 OPS in 66 at-bats for the Peoria Javelinas). Ackley was rated by B.A. as having the best speed and contact skills in the M’s organization and if his doubles continue to turn into home runs he has the all tools to become a perennial 20-20 player for the Mariners (see Chase Utley Lite–all the great flavor, none of the guilt). The Mariners’ second baseman of the future likely won’t start the year in Seattle in order to delay his service clock (giving the M’s an extra year of team control) but Ackley should be in the Emerald City by the end of May or beginning of June…just in time for the team to be eliminated from the playoffs.

So there’s that…

The Future’s So Bright I’ve Got to Wear SPF 15: A Largely Uneducated Look at the Seattle Mariners’ Top Ten Prospects (Part 1).

Dan Cortes knows karate, Latin and how to throw gas.

When Bill Bavasi left Seattle the Mariners’ farm system was thinner than the spread at Oliver Twist’s orphanage. After years of bad drafting (Jeff Clement over Ryan Braun and Troy Tulowitzki) and even worse trades (that whole Erik Bedard thing) the Mariners were devoid of talent at both the major and minor league levels. With the arrival of Jack Zduriencik as general manager the organization has worked tirelessly to restock their farm system, and though there is still quite a bit of catching up to do, the Mariners finally have some players capable of making a positive impact at the major league level. Without further ado, here’s a look at Seattle’s top 10 prospects for 2011:

10. Dan Cortes–RP–(9 wins-5.23 ERA-98 K’s/57 BB’s-1.53 WHIP): Dan Cortes was traded to Seattle from Kansas City for Yuniesky Betancourt in one of the best deals of the Zduriencik tenure, and since the organization moved him from starter to reliever, Cortes has been on the fast track to the bigs. Cortes got a cup of coffee (cream, no sugar) with Seattle in 2010 and though he continues to struggle with command his triple digit fastball has many penciling in Cortes as the Mariners’ closer of the future. He’ll likely start the year pitching in the 7th and 8th innings but with David Aardsma on his way out it won’t be long before Cortes will be closing out wins for the M’s…even if that’s only once a week or so.

9. Kyle Seager–2B/3B–(.345-14 HR’s-74 RBI’s-13 SB’s-.419 OBP-.921 OPS): A teammate of fellow Top 10 prospect Dustin Ackley at North Carolina, Kyle ”The Silver Bullet” Seager enjoyed a breakout season in 2010, posting a stellar .921 OPS in 557 AB’s at Single-A High Desert (the whole league is a hitter’s haven, so take his numbers with a grain of salt). Seager is an extremely patient hitter (a trait long absent from the Mariners’ lineup) but he’s blocked in the organization at second base by Ackley and his lack of power doesn’t play well at third base. He’s an intriguing prospect for a talent starved organization, but unless his slugging improves or he shifts to shortstop, Seager is likely headed for a role as a utility man with a solid left-handed bat off the bench.

8. Marcus Littlewood–SS–(N/A): Despite the difficulty of growing up with a last name tailor-made for teasing (one can imagine it didn’t make things easy with the ladies either) Marcus Littlewood proved worthy of the challenge, playing for Team USA in high school before being drafted by the Mariners in the 2nd round of the 2010 draft. The switch-hitting shortstop out of Florida was rated as one of the best defensive players in the draft but there are concerns that his lack of foot speed will eventually move Littlewood to the hot corner. At the plate he flashes good bat speed but limited pop, although some scouts feel that Littlewood will add power as he continues to grow. Littlewood is talented enough defensively that he’ll eventually be a utility man in the Majors but the development of his bat will determine whether or not he becomes a full-time player.

7. Johermyn Chavez–OF–(.315-32 HR’s-96 RBI’s-.387 OBP-.964 OPS): The lesser known piece of the Brandon Morrow for Brandon League swap (slaps forehead) Chavez is now the only hope of the Mariners have of avoiding another embarrassing and lopsided trade that drives them deeper into the AL West cellar (there’s a strong chance they’ll finish 5th in a four team division next season). Tabbed by B.A. as having the best power and best outfield arm in the system, Chavez had a monster season at the plate in 2010, slugging 32 longballs and chipping in 96 RBI’s. However, Chavez did play at one of the most hitter-friendly parks in all of minor league baseball and his 52/131 walk-to-strikeout ratio raises some red flags about his ability to adjust to off-speed pitching. At this point, Chavez looks like the rich man’s version of Greg Halman, and he’ll have to continue to develop his strike zone discipline if he wants to be a major part of the Mariners’ plans moving forward.

6. Mauricio Robles–SP–(9 wins-3.99 ERA-154 K’s/71 BB’s-1.35 WHIP): Mauricio Robles came to Seattle via the Jarrod Washburn trade and has quickly developed into the team’s top left-handed pitching prospect (he’s got a framed certificate in his den to prove it). Though Robles is listed at just 5’9″ he’s one of the hardest throwing pitchers in the organization with a fastball topping out in the mid-to-high 90′s and an emerging changeup and curveball. Robles clearly has the stuff to get hitters out (9.8 K’s/9 innings in 2010) but his lack of control (4.5 walks/9 innings) may eventually force a shift to the bullpen. Regardless of where the organization feels Robles fits best, the young fireballer has a shot to join the big league club in 2011, and could become the shutdown lefty that the Mariners have been without since Arthur Rhodes and his bling left town.

Stay tuned for the Mariners’ Top 5 prospects coming soon!

The Sweetest Thing: Seattle Mariners Now Frontrunners for 2011 World Series with Addition of Three Extra Home Games.

If Bono can't save the M's, who can?

Although Mariners’ fans still haven’t found what they’re looking for (a World Series title) their suffering may soon come to an end thanks to a very unlikely source…legendary rock and roll band U2.

Due to a scheduling conflict at Sun Life Stadium the Marlins vs. Mariners three-game series set for June 24-26 in Florida will be shifted to Safeco Field in order to accommodate U2′s “We’re So Much More Important Than Baseball” Tour.

The Mariners, a vastly superior team at home (35-46) compared to on the road (26-55), will look to cash in on three extra games at the friendly confines of Safeco. Most baseball experts switched their preseason predictions for the AL West upon learning of Seattle’s 84 home games with the Mariners as the clear-cut favorites in over 90 percent of Gallup Polls. ESPN’s Buster Olney explains why this seemingly minor move will have major ramifications for the rest of the league:

“The Mariners are a team perfectly tailored for their home park (great pitching and an stellar offense) who will benefit greatly from their extra games in Safeco. Although the games are played with National League rules it will be the Mariners, not the Marlins, who will benefit from this move because it allows Seattle to insert a pitcher into their lineup rather than being dragged down by a designated ‘hitter’. We at the ESPN think tank conservatively estimate that the Mariners will win 80 of their 84 home games…throw in 20 or so wins on the road and you’ve got a team steamrolling into the playoffs with 100+ wins. If Seattle doesn’t win the World Series this year, I will forever relinquish my title as ‘Baseball’s Brightest Buster’. You heard it here first.”

Although the Mariners are attempting to draw attention from their newfound status as favorite by drumming up rumors of a Chone Figgins trade (who is far to valuable to ever consider moving*) it’s clear they won’t be able to hide forever. With Bono’s touch, 2011 will be as good as gold for Seattle…

*There’s a microscopic chance that comment is sarcastic.