U.S. versus T.H.E.M. (or The Danger of Acronyms)

The following is a transcript from a recent summit held at a conference centre in Toronto to discuss America and Canada’s response to rising global terrorism.  

Canadian Reporter: Mr. Prime Minster. What would you say is the greatest single threat to democracy our country faces right now?

Justin Trudeau: Oh without a doubt it’s THEM.

Reporter: Who is ‘them’?

Trudeau: They are *points to screen with Terrorists Helping Evil Mobilize (aka THEM) under skull and crossbones*

Reporter: They are THEM?

Trudeau: Exactly.

Reporter: Who is planning to stop THEM?

Trudeau: US.

Reporter: We are?

Trudeau: No, them. *waves to U.S. Secretary of State*

Reporter: US is THEM?!

Secretary of State: No, we’re just US. They are THEM.

Reporter: Then who is going to neutralize THEM? Us?

Trudeau: No, they are! *rolls eyes and gestures to Secretary of State*

Reporter: Got it. So it’s US versus THEM but what are we doing?

Trudeau: We are going to help them however we can. *nods at Secretary of State*

Secretary of State: You’re going to help THEM?! I thought you were on our side.

Trudeau: We are helping you against THEM. Our whole focus is on supporting US.

Reporter: How do you expect to defeat THEM if you are concentrating on us and not them? It’s not all about us you know.

Secretary of State: What’s that supposed to mean? US has always been there for you.

Reporter: Sorry, Mr. Secretary. I meant them. *looks at Trudeau*

Secretary of State: Wait….you are THEM? Trudeau? More like FALSEreau amirite.

Trudeau: Who came up with this acronym?

Assistant to Trudeau: Us.

Trudeau: I knew it was them!

Reporter: Who is THEM again?

Assistant: No, not US sir. We did it.

Trudeau: You’re fired. Why don’t you go work for them? *points to Secretary of State*

Assistant: *doesn’t see Trudeau pointing* You want me to help THEM? No wonder you’re losing this war.

Secretary of State: Why are you picking on US again?!

*Trudeau aims nuclear missiles leftover from Cold War at conference centre*

Trudeau: Tell my family I love them.

Reporter: I thought you wanted to stop THEM?

*Trudeau pushes red button*

End of transcript

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