Fun with Photoshop: The Lysine Contigency

Song of the Week: A Real Hero by College ft. Electric Youth

Title: A Real Hero

Artist: College featuring Electric Youth

Did You Know: This hauntingly beautiful song isn’t from the 80’s, but it might as well be. A key component of the amazing soundtrack from the movie “Drive”, A Real Hero provides the perfect atmosphere for Ryan Gosling’s finest hour. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, you should, but prepare for a gritty flick that harkens back to film noir of the 40’s and 50’s. While your at it, buy the soundtrack. Best album of the year…double stamp it!

King of Pain: Lebron James Continues to Torment Cleveland

Lebron might want to go back, but would Cleveland welcome him?

Lebron James makes O.J. Simpson look like a great ex-boyfriend.

After breaking up with Cleveland in the cruelest way possible (The Decision was the equivalent of taking your girlfriend to a major sporting event, and then dumping her on the jumbotron), the ego-maniacal superstar took his talents to South Beach in search of a title, or whatever Will Smith was singing about in Miami.

Things didn’t quite go as planned for the Heat last season, but the team retained a solid core and began 2012 as one of the best teams in basketball. Even better, the team was gliding under the radar with Linsanity in full swing, and the fervor over Lebron’s messy divorce from Cleveland had simmered down.

Great right? Of course not. The most aloof player in the league decided that he needed to once again be on the tip of every tongue, and opened his big mouth. When asked about a return to Cleveland, James uttered the following nonsense:

I think it would be great…it would be fun to play in front of these fans again. I had a lot fun times in my seven years here. You can’t predict the future, and hopefully I continue to stay healthy. I’m here as a Miami Heat player, and I’m happy where I am now, but I don’t rule that out in no sense.”

Try to ignore the grammar in the last part of Lebron’s statement (don’t rule that out in no sense?) and read between the lines:

Lebron: “Oh hey Cleveland. I know that I dumped you like bad leftovers and starting dating a much hotter girl (Miami). I’m having a great time with her, but if things ever don’t work out with me and the Heat, I might consider getting back together with you, if no better options are available of course. Sounds good right? You remember Breakfast at Tiffany’s don’t you?”

Cleveland: “Well I guess that’s one thing we’ve got.”

Don’t bother trying to figure out what goes on in the mind of Lebron James or what stupid thing he’s going to do next.

Just remember that he’s like school in July…no class.


Song of the Week: “The Promise” by When In Rome

Title: The Promise

Artist: When In Rome

Release: June 1988

Peak Chart Position: #11

Did You Know: Not only was When In Rome a one-hit wonder with “The Promise”, but the band only released a single album before breaking up. How would’ve the world been different if the band had stayed together? No one knows for sure, but most experts speculate that Justin Beiber would never have been born, the Mariners would have won multiple World Series, and zombies would occupy 90% of retail jobs. If you think you recognize this song, it’s probably from Napoleon Dynamite, where it was featured in the end credits.

Great Moments in GIF History: “Jumping the Shark”

I considering make a post with multiple GIF’s, but seeing 10 different scenes play out at the same time led to vomiting, diarrhea, and erectile dysfunction in a test audience, so that idea was scrapped.

Unfortunately for the producers of Happy Days, the scene above was never run by a test audience, and the result is a timeless piece of pop culture history.

Writer 1: Fonzi is always cool, right?

Writer 2: Of course.

Writer 1: So, the Fonz would be cool doing just about anything?

Writer 2: I guess so.

Writer 1: Like jumping over a shark on waterskis?

Writer 2: Say what now?

Writer 1: Great! I knew you’d love it!

Writer 2: F***

Writer 1 would go on to create other cinematic treasures like Don’t Mess with Zohan, White Chicks, and The Great Gatsby in Space. Writer 2 continues to plot his revenge. It’s likely to involve osteoporosis…or the West Nile virus…or both.

This preposterous scene from Happy Days would spawn the phrase “Jumping the Shark”, which refers to the moment when a show reaches the point of no return, and relies on gimmicks and outlandish plot twists to keep audiences tuning in. Though Happy Days would stay on air for another five years, it was never the same after the Fonzi’s leap of faith.

Realizing that the phrase was losing its cultural relevance, George Lucas showed a new generation how to destroy a respected franchise in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, creating today’s “Jumping the Shark” in the form of “Nuking the Fridge”.

Thank you Mr. Lucas and Mr. Winkler. You gave us the words to say what we always knew.

Stay tuned for more great moments in GIF history!

Fun with Photoshop: “Let’s Get Bedarded in Here!”

Song of the Week: “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston

Title: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)

Artist: Whitney Houston

Release: May 2, 1987

Peak Chart Position: #1

Did You Know: Life on Earth is strange, sad, beautiful, and often far too short. Take comfort in the fact that Christ has provided a place more beautiful than we can imagine for those who choose to believe. Here’s hoping Whitney never lost her faith.

Jeremy Lin > Solid Gold

This photo of Jeremy Lin is a shameless way of driving traffic to Viva La Vidro (Nathaniel S. Butler/Getty)

I’m not sure that I would qualify as an NBA expert. Then again, I’m not sure Newt Gingrich would qualify as a presidential candidate, but that sure hasn’t stopped him has it? Did you know that the word “caucus” comes from a Navajo word meaning “group think”? Not even the code talkers could hide their disdain for our ridiculous process of selecting a nominee.

I forgot that this post was supposed to be about Jeremy Lin. Let’s get back to that.

A few weeks ago I tried to watch a game between the Clippers and Lakers but fell asleep during the first timeout. I tried again the next week only to be distracted by a Monk marathon. Granted Tony Shaloub was better in Wings, but who doesn’t love an O.C.D. detective (besides of course the criminals who are undone by his fastidiousness) whose boss was the serial killer in Silence of the Lambs? Long story not quite so short, I don’t pay much attention to the Association.

I do however, pay attention to surges in the sports card marketplace. I’m comfortable with who I am so I don’t mind sharing that fact.

When the aforementioned Jeremy Lin hit the scene, his cards took off like a late model Homer Hickam rocket. We’re not just talking 200-300% in ROI; we’re looking at figures that would make even Gordon Gecko blush. Take a look at the following:

January 15th: $29.99

February 10th: $849.99

A card from the same set, with the same numbering, less than one month apart…. $800 dollars difference in final price.

Linsanity indeed.

Fun with Photoshop: “I Lust for (Jack) Cust”

Song of the Week: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by Tears for Fears

Title: Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Artist: Tears for Fears

Release: June 1985

Peak Chart Position: #1

Did You Know: Tears for Fears has sold more than 40 million albums worldwide. That’s enough albums to reach from Earth to the planet formally known as Pluto! Twice! Although the song’s title might suggest otherwise, a recent Gallup Poll showed that only two percent of Americans actually wanted to rule the world. That’s less than the percent of Americans who still support Herman Cain for President. Politics! Pizza! Planets that aren’t planets! 80’s music!