King of Pain: Lebron James Continues to Torment Cleveland

Lebron might want to go back, but would Cleveland welcome him?

Lebron James makes O.J. Simpson look like a great ex-boyfriend.

After breaking up with Cleveland in the cruelest way possible (The Decision was the equivalent of taking your girlfriend to a major sporting event, and then dumping her on the jumbotron), the ego-maniacal superstar took his talents to South Beach in search of a title, or whatever Will Smith was singing about in Miami.

Things didn’t quite go as planned for the Heat last season, but the team retained a solid core and began 2012 as one of the best teams in basketball. Even better, the team was gliding under the radar with Linsanity in full swing, and the fervor over Lebron’s messy divorce from Cleveland had simmered down.

Great right? Of course not. The most aloof player in the league decided that he needed to once again be on the tip of every tongue, and opened his big mouth. When asked about a return to Cleveland, James uttered the following nonsense:

I think it would be great…it would be fun to play in front of these fans again. I had a lot fun times in my seven years here. You can’t predict the future, and hopefully I continue to stay healthy. I’m here as a Miami Heat player, and I’m happy where I am now, but I don’t rule that out in no sense.”

Try to ignore the grammar in the last part of Lebron’s statement (don’t rule that out in no sense?) and read between the lines:

Lebron: “Oh hey Cleveland. I know that I dumped you like bad leftovers and starting dating a much hotter girl (Miami). I’m having a great time with her, but if things ever don’t work out with me and the Heat, I might consider getting back together with you, if no better options are available of course. Sounds good right? You remember Breakfast at Tiffany’s don’t you?”

Cleveland: “Well I guess that’s one thing we’ve got.”

Don’t bother trying to figure out what goes on in the mind of Lebron James or what stupid thing he’s going to do next.

Just remember that he’s like school in July…no class.