The following is a transcript from a recent summit held at a conference centre in Toronto to discuss America and Canada’s response to rising global terrorism.
Canadian Reporter: Mr. Prime Minster. What would you say is the greatest single threat to democracy our country faces right now?
Justin Trudeau: Oh without a doubt it’s THEM.
Reporter: Who is ‘them’?
Trudeau: They are *points to screen with Terrorists Helping Evil Mobilize (aka THEM) under skull and crossbones*
Reporter: They are THEM?
Reporter: Who is planning to stop THEM?
Reporter: We are?
Trudeau: No, them. *waves to U.S. Secretary of State*
Reporter: US is THEM?!
Secretary of State: No, we’re just US. They are THEM.
Reporter: Then who is going to neutralize THEM? Us?
Trudeau: No, they are! *rolls eyes and gestures to Secretary of State*
Reporter: Got it. So it’s US versus THEM but what are we doing?
Trudeau: We are going to help them however we can. *nods at Secretary of State*
Secretary of State: You’re going to help THEM?! I thought you were on our side.
Trudeau: We are helping you against THEM. Our whole focus is on supporting US.
Reporter: How do you expect to defeat THEM if you are concentrating on us and not them? It’s not all about us you know.
Secretary of State: What’s that supposed to mean? US has always been there for you.
Reporter: Sorry, Mr. Secretary. I meant them. *looks at Trudeau*
Secretary of State: Wait….you are THEM? Trudeau? More like FALSEreau amirite.
Trudeau: Who came up with this acronym?
Assistant to Trudeau: Us.
Trudeau: I knew it was them!
Reporter: Who is THEM again?
Assistant: No, not US sir. We did it.
Trudeau: You’re fired. Why don’t you go work for them? *points to Secretary of State*
Assistant: *doesn’t see Trudeau pointing* You want me to help THEM? No wonder you’re losing this war.
Secretary of State: Why are you picking on US again?!
*Trudeau aims nuclear missiles leftover from Cold War at conference centre*
Trudeau: Tell my family I love them.
Reporter: I thought you wanted to stop THEM?
*Trudeau pushes red button*
End of transcript