Outrageous, Egregious, Preposterous: Citing Lack of Run Support, Felix Hernandez Hires Jackie Chiles, Sues Seattle Mariners.

After the latest in a string of painful defeats in which his teammates failed in every imaginable way to support yet another fine pitching effort, Felix Hernandez finally decided that he couldn’t stay quiet any longer, and got on the phone with his lawyer Jackie Chiles.

Losing is one thing, but the way Felix Hernandez has accumulated his 10 losses this season is something else altogether. In those 10 soul-crushing defeats, Hernandez’s teammates have managed to push across a measly seven runs with the King on the hill,  leading to the second worst run support in the league behind only Dallas Braden (but nobody likes him, so he doesn’t count). Does Felix have every right to be furious with his teammates? You’re damn right he does, and bringing aboard a winner like Jackie Chiles is the only chance Hernandez has to receive the credit, and cash, that he deserves.

Although best known for his work on Kramer v. Marlboro and The People v. Seinfeld, Chiles is an accomplished sports attorney and agent who has represented the likes of Keith Hernandez and Bernie Williams. Chiles called Hernandez’s suit an open and shut case, telling reporters at his office that:

Despite a sterling 2.62 ERA, 1.14 WHIP and 172 strikeouts, my client only has eight wins to his name, in large part due to poor decisions from the Seattle front office and poor performance from nearly every offensive player on the team. When Felix signed a long-term contract to stay with the Mariners he was under the impression that the organization was building a team that would compete for a World Series, not the worst record in baseball. With certain escalator clauses in his contract that are triggered by All-Star appearances, Cy Young awards and trips to the playoffs, it has become obvious that the Mariners organization is trying to avoid paying my client these bonuses by putting an inferior product on the field behind him (.236 team batting average). Felix leads the league in quality starts and he has eight wins to show for it. Outrageous! Egregious! Preposterous!”

The Mariners front office refused to comment on the lawsuit, but several unnamed players agreed that, yeah, Felix was going to get paid. One player even went as far as to say that he would be willing to give up part of his wholly undeserved salary (cough Chone Figgins cough) in order to keep Hernandez happy and the case out of court.

Judging from Chiles track record though, Hernandez isn’t likely to settle with the M’s, and who can blame him?

He’s finally got a chance at a win…

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Major League Baseball and Its Players Continue to Drop the Ball: Cincinnati’s Volquez Tests Positive for PED’s.

Edison Volquez's suspension won't cost him anything more than money.

Another mysterious fertility drug, another failed PED test and another black eye for baseball and its players. Yeah, it sure seems like the sport has this steroids issue under control.

Major League Baseball announced on Tuesday that Cincinnati Reds’ starting pitcher Edinson Volquez tested positive for a banned substance during Spring Training and would be suspended for 50 games, effective immediately.

The catch? Volquez was already on the disabled list and unlikely to return to game action until mid-season. His suspension runs out June 15th—a date sooner than the Reds had anticipated Volquez being ready to pitch for their big league club. As it stands, Volquez will be able to continue his rehabilitation from elbow surgery while serving his “suspension” and will forfeit around $130,000 of his salary for the season. Somehow, I think Volquez will find a way to squeak by with the other $300,000 he is due to make in 2010.

Even his own teammates were stunned by the loophole in baseball’s punishment system. Fellow pitcher Bronson Arroyo reacted to the situation in an interview on Tuesday saying,  “I’m actually surprised they’re letting him do that.” Yeah, so is everyone else Bronson.

I’m not even mad at Volquez for using a banned substance…I’m mad at baseball for a punishment that doesn’t fit the crime. Despite a supposedly tougher stance on steroids, Volquez will miss exactly zero game-time for failing a drug test. Who is that fair to?

In the words of TV’s greatest lawyer Jackie Chiles: “Outrageous! Egregious! Preposterous!”

Preposterous indeed.