Unfortunately for the members of InGen (and their shareholders), that guy who got eaten in the bathroom (ed. note: Martin Gennaro) and batters everywhere, those cautionary words of big game hunter Robert Muldoon were never heeded, and John Hammond’s dinosaurs were left free to roam on the islands of Costa Rica…and in Major League Baseball.
One of those creations who is tearing through his sport like a pack of raptors tears apart a dilophosaurus–a hybrid of man and dinosaur–is Boston Red Sox reliever Craig Breslow. At first glance everything about Breslow seems in order; he doesn’t have a tail or scales and he’s never tried to eat Sam Neill, but there is something distinctively Tyrannosaurus-esque (Tyrannosaurusian?) about him.
Take another look at the picture of Breslow and you’ll notice his arms are short…very short. A graduate of Yale who majored in molecular biophysics and biochemistry, Breslow (who is often referred to as the smartest player in baseball) realized in college that a little “dino DNA” could go a long way towards helping him achieve his dream of becoming a MLB player.
While studying his mechanics on film, Breslow realized that a shorter arm and slightly modified delivery would allow him to be equally effective against left and right-handed hitters; something that would have been impossible for him with fully “human” arms. As luck would have it, Yale was home to one of the largest collections of fossilized amber in the world–just what Breslow needed to gain a leg (err, arm) up on his competition. A little gene-splicing was small potatoes for a man of his intelligence and resources, and the results speak for themselves.
Breslow has carved out a successful eight year career in baseball as a lefty out of the bullpen, posting a 2.82 ERA over 402 innings including a 1.81 mark in 2013. Unlike many left-handed relievers who struggle against right-handed batters, Breslow’s unusual release point and genetically-modified dinosaur arm have proven potent against all big league hitters (righties own a career .222 batting average against him while lefties check in at .230). This unique ability to cut down hitters from both sides of the plate has allowed Breslow to amass nearly $7 million dollars in career earnings, something that might not have been possible without the help of a long extinct creature and a little insect trapped in sap.
As Dr. Ian Black reiterated to anyone and everyone throughout his visit to Isla Nubar: “life finds a way”.
Now life just needs to find a way to work itself out of a bases loaded jam…