New Year’s resolutions are like receipts – nobody but squares keep ‘em. That doesn’t stop millions of people from making them though, including your very own Seattle Mariners:
Carlos Peguero: Close eyes. Swing hard.
Eric Wedge: Bury Casper Wells even deeper on the bench. Stroke mustache more.
Casper Wells: Stare wistfully at field from dugout.
Michael Saunders: Capitalize on his nickname (“The Condor”) and start making bird noises when he hits home runs. Bacaw!
Felix Hernandez: Two perfect games.
Kendry Morales: Introduce fellow Mariners’ hitters to the mystical powers of Jobu.
Hector Noesi: Stop reading the newspaper the day after a start because it always hurts his feelings.
Alex Liddi: Get picture of cat eating pizza onto front page of Reddit.
Brendan Ryan: Contribute on defense AND at the plate.
Charlie Furbush: Work up courage to ask teammates to stop making fun of his last name.
Dustin Ackley: Found out more about all this “fiscal cliff” hubbub.
Justin Smoak: Play terribly for Seattle. Get traded. Turn into star for new team.
Wow! That sure is a lot to look forward to! Opening Day can’t get here soon enough!