Seattle Mariners Prove Bad Luck is Contagious: Angels’ Slugger Kendry Morales Breaks Ankle Celebrating Walk-Off Home Run.

Kendry Morales is seen here in his happier days, before...the accident.

Even when you beat the Mariners you don’t win.     

The Angels found that out yesterday when their season took a sickening turn while celebrating a dramatic triumph over their downtrodden division rival.     

Kendry Morales, the Angels leader in home runs, RBI’s and batting average, came to the plate with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 10th and promptly did what every hitter does when facing Brandon League–crushing a game-ending grand slam deep over the left-centerfield wall and sending the Angels and their fans into a frenzy.     

As is customary in baseball since the Emancipation of Mimi, Morales’ teammates surrounded home plate as he took a victory lap around the bases. Morales approached the plate slowly, threw his helmet into the air and leapt into the middle of the fray–set to enjoy one of the greatest moments of his young career. The euphoria didn’t last long.     

Morales landed awkwardly on the plate and his leg twisted in a gruesome fashion that would make even Barbaro shudder (R.I.P. my sweet stallion). He laid in the ground in obvious pain for around ten minutes until he was carted off the field while his teammates looked on in stunned silence.   

Rob Johnson. Simple, poor hitting catcher or criminal mastermind? You be the judge baseball fans.

The news came later on Saturday that Morales had suffered a broken leg and would need surgery that would cause him to miss most if not all of the season.  The Angels, already struggling to score runs, will be without their best hitter into the forseeable future and likely lost any chance they had to catch Texas in the lowly AL West. Who’s to blame?   

Many fans and baseball pundits would like to put the responsibility for the injury on Morales and his teammates for an excessive celebration, but one can’t help but wonder if the Mariners and their bad karma played a role in one of sports’ most bizarre injuries since Bill Gramatica and Gus Freotte made football players look like the intellectual counterparts of Derek Zoolander.  

Did Rob Johnson grease up the plate with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter (a proud sponsor of Viva La Vidro) while Morales was rounding the bases? Was Morales perhaps blinded by the glare of Milton Bradley’s bling or Ken Griffey Jr.’s smile, causing him to lose his bearings and land haphazardly?  

We might not ever know the answers to those questions, but one thing is for sure, the Mariners and their ineptitude are a danger to the rest of baseball. The team needs to be quarantined, sent to Double or Triple-A, and fast. Their next victim might not be so lucky to walk away with just a broken leg.

Your move Bud Selig.

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3 Responses

  1. I like that one of your tags is conspiracy theories. I don’t like that one of them is mariners suck

  2. The truth isn’t fun to face John, but it’s something we’ve both got to do. They just aren’t any good. Period.

  3. […] of .273/.320/.467 in 2012 and added 26 2B, 22 HR, and 73 RBI in his first season back from a horrific injury suffered in 2012 against, you guessed it, the Seattle Mariners. Morales finished 5th in the AL MVP […]

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