Testicular Health is No Joke: A Public Service Announcement From Adrian Beltre

Do the right thing. Wear a cup. Every day, every game, every time.

Do the right thing. Wear a cup. Every day, every game, every time.

Cue: Adrian Beltre sitting on chair in Mariners’ t-shirt, facing the camera. 

“Hi I’m Adrian Beltre, third-baseman for the Seattle Mariners, and I’m here today to talk to you about a very important issue…the safety and protection of your testicles.”

Cue: Video of Beltre taking groundball to the groin. Cut back to Beltre in studio grimacing in pain after watching video, a single tear rolling down his check. Beltre turns back to camera, a serious expression marks his face.

“I used to think it was cool not to wear a protective cup. I could move around freely, there was no chafing, and best of all it didn’t look like I was smuggling a VW Beetle in my pants. I used to think it was cool…until…the accident.”

Cue: Replay video of groundball to the groin. Cut back to Beltre in studio.

“Even a gold glover like me didn’t have a chance against that grounder, and because I wasn’t wearing a cup, I had no protection against the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. When that ball hit me in the groin, it cost my team a shot at the playoffs, but it may end up costing me a whole lot more. ”

Cue: Replay video of groundball to the groin. Cut back to Beltre in studio.

“You see, when that ball hit me in the groin, it contused my left testicle and caused some fairly severe bleeding. That’s right, a bleeding testicle…two words that should never go together. Team doctors say that the injury might require surgery, meaning that I would miss the rest of the season…and possibly my chance to have more children, all because I didn’t wear a cup”.

Cue: Replay video of groundball to the groin one more time, zooming in on impact and pained expression on Beltre’s face. Cut back to Beltre in studio.

“I had to learn the hard way the importance of wearing a cup, so now you don’t have to. Please, the next time you play baseball, take the extra minute to put on a protective cup. It might just be the difference between a happy life and one spent alone and barren. Do the right thing. Protect your self and your future by wearing a protective cup. Every day, every game, every time”.

Cue: “The More You Know” Music.

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3 Responses

  1. Baseballbriefs.com tracking back Testicular Health is No Joke: A Public Service Announcement From Adrian Beltre…

    Baseballbriefs.com tracking back Testicular Health is No Joke: A Public Service Announcement From Adrian Beltre…

  2. Bud. Bud. Bud. Beautiful.

  3. […] Adrian Beltre returned from a freak testicle injury, Griffey had the P.A. play the theme to “The Nutcracker” on Beltre’s first […]

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